Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Dreaming of dreaming

I love dreams. They're like my own personal nightly theater where I never know what's playing, but I'm the star of the show. Is it film noir night, or Michael Bay 'Splode? Will I get the girl in the end, or will she turn out to be my long lost cousin from space? The adventures the imagination creates can rival even the best that fiction has to offer. Which is one of the reasons I wish we had dream recorders. On the other hand, there are times when I'm glad that dreams can't be recorded (That Jello monster seduced me, I swear).

Recently though, my dreams have taken an interesting turn.

I've always been fascinated by the concept of lucid dreams. Having full control over your dream state changes the theater into an arcade. So for years now, I have been striving to achieve that state. I'm thrilled to say: I've done it!

WARNING! ACHTUNG! - I will now present a glimpse into the workings of my subconscious:

The dream started out as normal as any. I was at a ski resort shredding powder uphill on my snowboard that split into skis on command. When I got to the top, I hopped on the rocket chairs that shot me back down to the bottom, provided I was able to dodge the lasers on the way down (Everybody's had that dream...right?). Well THAT'S when it got interesting.

I was having trouble getting my skis to recombine into a snowboard, and a ski patrol guy was trying to help me. It turns out I had 2 left skis. That's when I had an apostrophe: "This is stupid! I wouldn't have 2 left skis unless it was a... dream!" At which point I said "Thanks, ski patrol guy, but I can fly!" And *Whoosh* off I went!

See, in everything I read about lucid dreaming, the most successful method of attaining it involved creating a "trigger" for yourself. Something that, if performed, would prove to your conscious subconscious (huh?) that you were dreaming. It was always my plan that if I ever thought I was dreaming, the first thing I would do is try to take off like Superman. I figured that's as good a thing to do as any, and, sure enough, it worked. So if we are ever hanging out, and I suddenly leap into the air saying "Up! Up! And Away!" you know why.

Anyhoo, there was a problem. As soon as I took off, filled with excitement at the possibilities, the world around me started to "De-Rez" like something between Tron and The Matrix. Awesome looking, but that meant I was waking up. So I toned it down to try and stay asleep. It worked, and suddenly I found myself in a fancy hotel lobby surrounded by beautiful women. *Ahem*

Too shortly thereafter, my alarm clock went off. I have never hated an alarm clock more in my life.

Since then, I have had a couple more lucid dreams where I was able to directly manipulate the world on a whim, and it was SO MUCH FUN. So if you've never experienced a lucid dream, I highly recommend doing some research and trying it for yourself. Your nights will never be the same.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a nap to take...

*Snore* "Hello, ladies..."

Monday, August 24, 2009

Adventures in filming

Question: What is it like to film in an ancient, closed down lodge that resides in the middle of nowhere next to an equally ancient gold mine?

Answer: Creepy.

Over the weekend, we filmed the trailer for Proper Binge at a place called "Motherlode Lodge". Nice place. Although, when there is no power, no running water, and you and your crew are the only people there, it's more than a little spooky.

With the whole rustic feel, "The Shining"-esque hallways, doors that seemed to open and close on their own, the abandoned mining shacks out front, the prisoner work crew that was cleaning up the area, and a lone black and white picture of a little girl with an "I'm going to turn you inside out" smile on her face, it would make a FUCKING AWESOME location for a horror film.

Come play with us...

Now, had it been a horror film, I would have been the first to die. Why? Because I was exploring every pitch black nook and cranny of that place while wearing a giant daisy costume. The set-up could not have been more perfect for my demise. If I was watching the movie, I would be rooting for it.

Alas, I survived, and I had a blast! Everything went very well, and I can't wait to see how it all turned out. Funny thing is, by the end of the shoot, I ended up looking like the crazed psycho that we were all expecting to run into...

I think I'll use this for my online dating profile

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The rules of #brokenslogan

In the interest of saving myself the time and effort of Tweeting the rules of my game EVERY TIME, I present:


PART I - What the fuck is #brokenslogan?!

It is a Twitter game that I have invented that I have ever so cleverly named: Broken Slogan. Every weekday (at a random time), I tweet the first part of a company/product slogan. Your goal is to be the first to tweet the rest of the slogan back to me! Got it? No? Then please turn your books to PART I.

PART II - How the fuck do I play?

It is easy to play. You login to your twitter account (If you don't have one, here's how to get one), and simply tweet your guess to me. If you are the first one to get it right, a winner is you!

There is a catch: Your guess must be tweeted in the following format for it to count.

#brokenslogan [Number]: "[Your guess]" [*any smartass remarks that will make me laugh] @berickcook

(*optional, but awesome)

PART III - What's in it for me?! Oh, and... Fuck!

If you win: I mention you and the broken slogan you did, you get the love and respect of people everywhere, Old Yeller comes back to life, world hunger is solved, and you get put on the list of people not to be killed during the coming ROBOT REVOLUTION!

PART IV - I don't fucking get it!

*Sigh* Alright, here's an example:

ME: #brokenslogan 98465: "Once you pop..." (I know what you're going to say)

YOU: #brokenslogan 98465: "You just can't stop!" THAT WHAT SHE SAID! LAWL @berickcook

ME: The winner of #brokenslogan 98465 is @YOU! I told you I knew what you were going to say...

PART V - What if I forget your stupid fucking ":"?!

Goddamn! You cuss like a motherfucking sailor! Shut the fuck up and sit your ass down for some learnin'! *Ahem* Look. I'm not a grammar nazi... Ok, so maybe I am, BUT I will give you some slack in the interest of not being a complete dick. So, here is the list of exceptions that I will still accept as valid answers:
  1. Forgetting the :. Example - YOU: #brokenslogan 98465 "You just can't stop" @berickcook

  2. Saying the whole slogan (NOTE - This is required when there is a "___"). Example - YOU: #brokenslogan 98465: "Once you pop you just can't stop!" @berickcook

  3. Forgetting the quotation marks. Example - YOU: #brokenslogan 98465: You just can't stop

  4. Jumbling the order of the response (As long as it's all there). Example - YOU: @berickcook 98465 "You just can't stop!" #brokenslogan
But please, try to elevate my faith in humanity by NOT doing those on a regular basis.

On the other hand, these are the things that will make your answer invalid (and suck):
  1. Forgetting the #brokenslogan tag. Example - YOU DON'T NEED ONE

  2. Forgetting the number of the brokenslogan you are answering. Example - YOU DON'T NEED ONE HERE EITHER

  3. Omitting (definition of omitting) words. Example - YOU: #brokenslogan 98465: "You can't stop!" @berickcook

  4. Spelling errors. Example - YOU: #brokenslogan 98465: "U kan't sotp!" @berickcook <- NO. Just...NO.
PART ELEVENTYSEVEN - What the fuck is this "___" shit?!

On occasion, a slogan will use the name of the product/company/deity in the slogan. Since many times the name is a dead giveaway for the slogan, I blank it out (like that party last night... *shudder*). If a blank if given, your answer must be the ENTIRE SLOGAN with the blank filled in! Again with the examples:

ME: #brokenslogan 1337: "___ gives..."

YOU: #brokenslogan 1337: "RedBull gives you wings!"


If you have made it this far without suffering from the infamously widespread TL;DR disease you instantly win 100 points! Congratulations!

Good luck, and have fun!

A little more about myself...

While I am officially Twitter-pated, there are times when my random thoughts are 145 characters in length. Since 145 > 140, most of the time those thoughts are banished into the realm of not-being-posted-to-the-interwebs. That is, unless I can shorten it by 5 characters through the magic of webspeak.

However, if I start posing things such as "k, so i wnt 2 th stre & gt mlk. I rn n2 @NathanFillion tlkin wth @WilliamShatner abt @TheBloggess n wz lke ZOMG cpt Rnlds & cpt Krk!!one!! I gt thm 2 sgn my mlk crtn thn I wnt hme n plyd WOW" Even the porn spammers would be like "WTF?" *BLOCK*

So henceforth I shall post all of my lengthier tirades here! For example:

Since my Twitter profile description is also limited to 140 characters, I have simplified myself with "A 24 year old guy who is an actor, writer, inventor, and game designer". I would like to take some time now and expand upon that.

I am a twenty four year old human male. I am a film actor who is co-starring in an upcoming movie (Proper Binge), I am writer of words that I am hoping will become books, I am an inventor of gizmos that will probably change the world, and I am PC video game designer that has made a few small (mostly unknown) games.

I feel like we are so much closer now!

P.S. If you can translate my webspeak, I'm torn between being proud of you and lecturing you about the wonders of OUTSIDE.